The Sandman Was Creeping Up On Me, Not Death

"Final Destination 3 (2006)"

Remember my "Jurassic Park," posts? That is where this series is heading. The first and second "Final Destination" were somewhat good, not great but O'Kay, ( both of them also had a cameo by Tony Todd..this one doesn't. Why the fuck not? Tony Todd is awesome.) This..is the opposite of Tony Todd. Complete and utter shit.

If you don't know the basic plot of these movies let me explain it quickly in two sentences (really complicated..): People escape death, only death continues killing in the order they would've died originally. The characters must avoid death and be "skipped" and once the last person is skipped, you win..until the end of the movie because then you get the same ending each time.

Firstly, the acting? Terrible..completely terrible. By EVERYONE. The black jock asshole is probably the worst out of all of them although there are some runner ups. The whole cast is pretty godamn horrible though. Now, let me list for you the opening scenes in each movie. It's weird though because the quality doesn't do a straight decline, it rises then declines...

"Final Destination": Guy gets on board a plane. Has a vision it's going to blow up, gets off.
"Final Destination 2": Girl and a bunch of her friends driving away. She envisions this huge car pile up..which is very cool.
"Final Destination 3": Girl and a bunch of friends are at a carnival. They go on a roller coaster, she visions them all dying..gets off.

What baffles me is that they go from plane, to car..but skip the train. Why not use a train? Instead they decide to go with a fucking ROLLER COASTER and use the train at the end of the movie. So fucking lame. At least "Final Destination 2" kept the deaths interesting and kept you on your toes trying to figure out how characters were going to die..This one is pretty fucking lame. One girl is almost killed by this rope tied to a horse..it gets caught around her neck and it strangles her as the horse gallops about.

Not to mention an even LAMER death. Two girls die in tanning beds. So fucking dumb. I hope this is the last movie in this series that New Line plans on making because this was terrible. I watched this from 3:30 a.m. till' 5 in the godamn morning. If the movie was good I would've been wide awake..but no, I wasn't. I must've checked how far into the movie I was at least twice.

I can't stand these fucking dumb teen movies. Every now and then they'll put out a good one, but changes are 99% of the time the film you are going to see is complete shit. I'm convinced that right now the movie industry needs to fix to of their problems:

1) Start putting out some fresh and new material, no more shitty remakes.
2) Quit fucking marketing your movies towards teens. Don't be afraid to market movies towards adults. The number of R Rated movies compared to PG-13 rated movies is probably extremely low. Now I'm not saying that you can't have fun with a PG-13 movie, but a nice variety of movies to choose from would be nice that don't all have the same lame-ass PG-13 jokes/characters in them.

I've strayed from the point...my point? They use a fucking roller coaster as the opening scene. You know, the scene that's supposed to pull you into the movie and spark your interest. Trust me, this will not get you extremely interested in this movie. If anything it will pull you away from it...Besides it's seems like less people are falling to their death on roller coasters. If you plan on going on a roller coaster soon, be aware that there is a new style, falling to death is out. Dying like this is what's in.

Dying ON the roller coaster from some internal medical problem. Don't you know, it's all the rave? Not to mention this movie has the same ending that EVERY OTHER FUCKING MOVIE DID. Ouu, they survive deaths design...and then she starts to get that feeling and then BAM, the subway train crashes. Oh no, it cuts to black...and wait, what's this? I, the viewer, do not give a shit and haven't given a shit for the past half an hour of the film.

If you're bored and want to watch something, watch this. If not, don't ever watch this. It's total trash. In fact, it angers me that shit like this still gets made. What angers me even more is that someone, somewhere saw the commercial for this and thought to themselves, "HOLY SHIT...THEY'RE FUCKING ON A ROLLER COASTER AND IT'S OUT OF CONTROL. THIS LOOKS AWESOME, I NEED TO SEE THIS."

Continue "beating the dead horse" known as "Final Destination" New Lines..stupid-ass people will continue to go and see it, although I don't understand how, and why.

IMDB link for "Final Destination 3."

Coming soon: I do not know....