"Jurassic Park III (2001)"
Almost 10 years after the original came out we are treated to the third in the series of "Jurassic Park," films and it is pretty much just as shitty as the one that came before it.
William H. Macy plays Paul Kirby and Tea Leoni plays his ex-wife Amanda Kirby. Their son had gone on this trip where you sail behind a boat near the island of Isla Sorna to see Dinosaurs..it all goes wrong and her son and the person he went with are missing. They attempt to enlist the aid of Dr. Alan Grant (Sam Neil,) and suceed and also get Billie (one of Grants friends..played by some guy,) only after tricking him though. Watch as they reach the island and attempt to get the hell off of it, while attempting to find their son as well.
The first problem? If you couldn't tell from my description above this story is virtually the same shit as the second one..rescue mission. Rehashed just under different circumstances.
So anyways, they get their. Somehow this little shit has been living on the island for 8 weeks and is perfectly fine. He's also SOMEHOW collect Tyrannosaurus Rex urine. How? I don't know..maybe he sat there completely still (since they can only see you if you move,) guessing where the Rex was gonna piss only to fall multiple times getting slammed in the face with urine until he finally got it just right. I really don't know and they don't explain it in the movie, he just says "You don't wanna know." Only guess what? I do want to know..I DO want to know how you, a 14 year old alone on an island with Dinosaurs is striving and collecting dinosaur urine in your spare time. So please, next time: Enlighten me.
Jungle boy saves Alan Grant by using some gas grenade while wearing camoflauge clothes (leaves..) and bam, brings him back to his living center (a beat up bus.) The movie is..decent until here. There's a lame-ass moment with the mother and a megaphone but I won't ruin the gayness for you. You can witness it firsthand. Oh, and it becomes a running joke throughout the movie..
The second problem. They get rid of the Tyrannosaurus Rex for a Spinosaurus (who the fuck knows if I just spelled that right.) The new dinosaur is way lame. It has this like sail thing on it's back and a long face..the T-Rex was better. Screw this new dinosaur. They've also redone the Velociraptors. They look totally different and it's not a good change. They look..weird. Some of them have this goofy like hair on top of their head.
Unfortunately, that's the best picture I could find. If you look on top of their heads you can see these like..strands. I don't know what the fuck it is, or who thought it looked good but let me tell you..It doesn't. It looks stupid and goofy. Totally disappointing.
Next on my bitch list is..the big Spinosaurus (however it's spelled,) breaks one of the fences that are supposed to keep the Dinos from running around etc. but can't break through this door that's got like 4 big locks on it. What the fuck? Makes no sense. I mean sure the fences electric wasn't on but still..You can knock that shit down but not a fucking door? Give me a break. Oh yeah, also..3 minutes before this scene you hear a phone ringing and everyones like "What the hell, where's the ringing coming from?" and guess from where? Inside the dinosaurs stomach...Yeah, I think I'll just let that terrible idea linger in your head for a second.
Meanwhile you've got Tea Leoni stinking up the movie. I really don't like her. William H. Macy is good but he's a totally lame character in this. "Ouu, remember we went fishing the boat sank, then the guy who was pulling us out? Remember his car sank too and he wanted to punch me..aww. Family." He doesn't do shit. Macy can be good with the right material. I remember in my junior year of High School we watched this film "Focus," and from what I remember he was quite good in it. But anyways, the kid barely stays above water, Sam Neil is good as Grant, go figure. He's the best part. And the guy who plays Billie doesn't have much to work with..his acting is alright. He's not a huge character..he starts off small, turns into a somewhat big character then drops again...
So about halfway through we realise, Billie has stolen raptor eggs!!!! What a jerk..so Grants all pissed off at him and so is pretty much everyone else. They enter this bird cage with flying dinosaurs, this section of the movies O'Kay. The family bullshit gets to involved. Mom crying for child, blah blah. Billie saves the piss stealing kid (he redeems himself only to be owned by flying Dinosaurs seconds later,) and they get on a boat. They hear that damn phone ring again..this time it's in a pile of Dinosaur shit..they search through it. The best part of the movie for me is right here. While searching this red and black cool looking dinosaur with a horn comes up and then backs off after smelling it. No, this isn't funny at all, but the dinosaur is probably the coolest looking one throughout the whole series. Evidently I don't have a device to capture screen shots with in my computer so I can't show it to you..sorry.
Anyways..they fight the Spinosaurus..it isn't very interesting..as this happens Dr. Grant calls Ellie (his love interest from the first film,) and this leads to an incredibly anti-climactic ending with the weirdly textured Velociraptors...a really anti-climactic ending. It sucks..and is a total letdown. But then again so is the whole series after the first film. They went to much for the "Action adventure" and lost what originality the original had.
The score is lame for the most part..I really did not like it. The CGI was alright, some of it didn't look too great. It was as if some of the stuff from the first movie was better..but. What do I know?
Finally, I just wanted to say that believe it or not I was eager to watch this because when this was released in 2001 I actually really liked this movie and thought highly of it compared to "The Lost World: Jurassic Park," but..years later my tastes have matured and upon rewatching it it's just as bad..maybe worse. Until the studio churns out a decent "Jurassic Park," movie I will be sitting here rewatching the original whenever I feel like it and not watching the shitty sequels. I rate "Jurassic Park III," along with the second one..basically equal. They both suck equally bad. I feel bad for the director, Joe Johnston. I read that after seeing the first film he really wanted to do one, Spielberg wanted to do the second so Johnston got the third and it's just a bad story with a very anti-climactic ending..
IMDB link for "Jurassic Park 3."
Coming soon: Soon to be adapted "Jurassic Park," plots..
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