Fargo

Fargo (1996):

This movie rules in so many ways. Not only that it's HILARIOUS. The basic plot is as follows: Jerry Lundegaard (William H. Macy,) needs some big money quick. So he sets up a deal for 2 guys to kidnap his wife who's father happens to be an extremely wealthy guy. The kidnappers (Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare,) commit the kidnapping but run into some trouble and end up killing people not involved in the deal. The cops begin investigating the murders and slowly the cop in charge of the investigation (Frances McDormand,) starts to catch up with the sloppy kidnappers.

First off Steve Buscemi is great and Peter Stormare is just as good as the more reserved but more violent kidnapper. There are some seriously intense scenes in the movie. The kidnapping scene is great and a scene that occurs later on involving the ransom money.

Second off the movie is hilarious. William H. Macy's character is basically a stumbling bumbling prick who you feel bad for. The accent only makes it 5x funnier.

Third: The wood chipper scene. It's not much but the scene is classic. It's just silly, yet intense and it works.

The Coen Brothers never fail when it comes to these kind of flicks. I definitely recommend you go and see the flick that they have out now called No Country for Old Men. Good stuff.

Numerical Rating 8 out of 10

IMDB link for "Fargo."

Spider-Man 3

I return for a single post...

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

The movie starts off good, with Mary Jane singing, and the voice is totally different. You can tell it's not her. Ummm, it's pretty decent up until about the hour and a half point. There are way to many conveniences though in the first hour. Symbiote comes from a meteorite that happens to crash by Peter in the park, Sandman becomes Sandman accidently (of course...just like every other fucking bad guy in the movies so this way we can have some form of pity for them.) There's also a moment where Parker knows MJ is at this parade for Spider-Man and he is given the key to the city or some shit like that. So he's onstage and they're chanting "KISS," and he kisses Gwen Stacey fully knowing MJ is in the crowd. That is just....BAD. Ummm, yeah. When Spider-Man starts to feel the effects of the symbiote the movie just becomes atrocious. THe turns Emo basically and wears his hair over his eye and at one point where eyeliner.

There's two scenes that are some of the most douche chill inducing things I've ever seen. One is Parker is walking down the street but he's doing this like 70's strut. He ends up over-acting it and even does these retarded Saturday Night Fever dance moves in the middle of N.Y. If someone really did that shit people would be like "What the fuck is wrong with you?" So yeah. That happens and then later on he goes on a date with Gwen Stacey, who is 10x hotter then Mary Jane, and plays the Piano at a Jazz Club that MJ works at (they've broken up,) so he goes "THIS IS FOR YOU MJ," and then proceeded to confuse the shit out of me by doing this all out juke and jive jazz dance routine. This upsets Stacey cause it was for MJ (I seriously don't get this,) and then that's the last we see of her. I have no clue who's idea it was to leave that shit in the flick but they should be fired and never allowed to touch movies again. The strut I can understand but we didn't need it all, maybe the more mild parts of just him walking. Not fucking stupid dance moves from the 70's.

The only thing I did like about the movie was Topher Grace. I think he's a good actor if he stopped doing RomComs. But he's shortchanged by being under-developed thanks to Alvin Sargent, Sam Raimi and his retarded fucking brother. So yeah, he becomes Venom, it's all good. Meanwhile Harry suffers from Amnesia cause Spider-Man owns his ass. Then his memory comes back so he starts going after Spider-Man again so Emo Parker comes in and they fight in Harry's house. Suddenly Harry's butler that was almost always there is gone and of course doesn't hear everything fucking breaking in the house. Parker blasts Harry in the face with one of those bombs. Probably one of the only cool scenes in the flick.

Venom comes, as this happens Harry is out of the Hospital. Sandman and Venom fight in an alley for 2 seconds before Venom starts talking in his porn star voice about how they both want the Spider so they should both get the Spider. Venom kidnaps the annoying less hotter female lead of the flick and Parker sees it on the news. He shows up at Harry's house asking for help, Harry denies. The Butler suddenly appears and tells Harry that he cleaned his fathers wounds and that he killed himself. How fucking dumb. The Butler is a jack-ass. He could've ended all this annoying whiney shit from Harry 10 minutes into the second flick. Nice job with that Raimi brothers you fuckheads.

Spider-Man shows up at the construction site where Venom and Sandman are to kick their asses. Of course not before the obligatory annoying fucking patriotic shot of Spider-Man in front of an American flag. We get it, he's American. We got it in the first film, and the second. No on gives a fuck anymore. In fact no one gave a fuck to begin with. How annoying. He goes, and fights Venom and Sandman. Sandman's powers are lame. He turns into a huge sand monster....lame as hell if you ask me. Venom owns Spider-Man for a bit, he's kinda' cool but extremely under-used. Also he never refers to himself as "We," and is never actually called Venom. What else? Did I mention the lame Porn star voice? Oh yeah and the lame-ass costume of the symbiote not fully covering Tophers face? It looks stupid, and the fangs they made aren't even fangs. I dunno what the fuck they were. He had like one sharp tooth.

They fight. It wasn't very good. All in between the fighting they keep intercutting with a news feed where some british twat says lame-ass lines like "Oh the humanity," and "This could be the end of Spider-Man." -Why? Just why? Let them fucking fight without your bullshit in between. In some circumstances that works, in this one it fucking doesn't. Harry comes and saves the day. Venom fucking owns Harry with his Glider spikes even though he was trying to get Spider-Man. Parker realizes that Venom's weakness is sound waves when some metal pipes fall and notices the symbiote going whacky. So he bangs some pipes together then shows them into the floor around him in a circle and runs around banging the pipes until he webs Topher and pulls him out. The symbiote then gets really big and Spider-Man throws a bomb in it, Brock jumps in and it explodes and you see a Skeleton for a second and then it's gone. Smoke clears and there's nothing there. SO GAY. Why would you do that? Why do all comic book villains in movies have to die? These people in charge of making these films are so GAY. When they DO make the right decision they have NO FUCKING CLUE HOW TO DO IT EITHER................

Sandman has a man to man chat with Parker where they discuss how supposedly Sandman killed Parkers grandfather instead of the guy we thought did for the first two movies...Nice. Why couldn't he just have been an accomplice? It would've worked just the same you fucknuts? He talks about how he didn't want anyone dying and what has happened to happen, he just wanted to save his daughters life cause she's sick. Spider-Man forgives him for killing his grandfather despite the fact that it was partially Peters fault for being such an asshole of a grandkid. Sandman then lets himself dustify without any closure to the story of his dying daughter. Good going you dumb-ass Raimbi Bros. and Company.

Mary Jane and Peter sit there and have a conversation with Harry. He dies. No one cares. They show his funeral, the lack of caring continues. MJ is still working at that shitty Jazz club that Parked showed himself off at earlier in the film. Parker goes back there and it ends with them hugging and me pissed off for having my fave character shortchanged but also slighty alright with it because thanks to the two people I went with I laughed, a lot.

Seriously. Fuck Sam Raimi. I always thought he didn't get the Spider-Man flicks and this just proves me right. I'll never purchase this movie, EVER. I'll DL it and MAYBE watch the whole thing again, but I'm voting more on me just skipping to the Venom parts to see it at home with a better look at his appearance and all that stuff. What a fucking let down this shit was.

4/10.

I'd probably say that X-Men 3 was on the same grounds as this, maybe better. I have to rewatch X3. I guess that's biased though since I'm more unfamiliar with the X-Men series but I do agree with most people that X3 blew compared to the other flicks..I dunno. The point is Spider-Man 3 was fucking..terrible. Once Parker does that stupid fucking Saturday Night Fever strut the movie is knocked down for the count. It loses it's momentum and just never regains it. The only thing to be optimistic about is that there's a piece of the black symbiote in Doctor Connors office, but who gives a fuck since Eddie Brock is most likely dead? It's lame without Brock. Just...fuck off Avi Arad and Sam Raimi, Ivan Raimi and Alvin Sargent. You people blow.

No Good.

I haven't posted in over a month. I'm busy with school and am honestly to lazy to post other-wise when I'm home. Just want to relax. Sorry. Not like anyone still reads this anyways. Bah.

Check in like once a month and see if there's a new post. Their probably won't be for a bit...

- Kevin

Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan

"Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (2006)"

Just a tad overrated...

So, who hasn't heard of this movie yet? This was like...the "Wedding Crashers," of '06...only "Wedding Crashers," was formulaic and the same old trash. While this was something different and actually interesting thanks to the people involved.

For those of you who don't know, "Borat..." is about: A Kazakh TV reporter and his Producer comes to America to study Americas culture, history, ways of life and make a documentary out of the footage he gets. Soon after he arrives in America though he learns of Pamela Anderson and attempts to locate and marry her.

The movie is pretty funny thanks to Sacha Baron Cohen's performance as "Borat," and Ken Davitian's performance as "Azamat," the producer. What's great about the movie is that it's hard to tell what was staged and what wasn't staged. I've read online that only three scenes were staged but I don't believe that's true. I think about 75% of it was real and 25% or so was staged.

The funniest part of the movie for me was "the fight." Almost everyone know about it by now but it is one of the funniest damn things I've ever seen. Sacha Baron Cohen will do anything for the sake of comedy, he really will. I'm glad he won a Golden Globe and I hope he takes home an Oscar because I think he deserves it.

I would definitely recommend seeing this at least once. I would also recommend watching it with other people. I watched it alone and it was funny but I'm sure it's much funnier with other people. I'm glad Sacha Baron Cohen is getting some acknowledgment because I personally think he deserves it. While I don't think his next persona flick (based off his gay fashion designer character "Bruno,") will be as good as this one I just hope he doesn't turn into a hack and tries new things in regards to his acting.

Numerical Rating: 7 out of 10.

IMDB link for "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan."

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

"My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)"

Probably one of the worst movies to come out this year.

First off: Uma Thurman is fucking ugly. She can look attractive every once and a while but I personally think she's ugly...she just has this weird manly look to her. I have no problem with ugly people in movies but an ugly woman shouldn't be playing someone who's supposed to be drop dead gorgeous.

Second off: Luke Wilson is a hack. He's good in "Old School," and maybe his cameo's in other films such as "Anchor Man," but he's a hack. If he wants to prove that he's not a hack he should not pick such shitty scripts such as this one.

The plot: Luke Wilson had gone through a bad break up and is finally feeling like he should be dating. He gets with this chick who ends up being this superhero. He realizes he wants the chick who he works with. He dumps the superhero. "Hilarity" ensues.

The plot idea is weak, in fact it's weak as hell. There's some good laughs that could've come out of it but they don't. They fail to ever come. There's maybe one laugh I got out of the flick. Another thing that was stupid is at one point she throws a fucking shark into the bedroom where he and his new girlfriend are sleeping. A SHARK. What the hell? That makes no sense man..

The movie was marketed as: Guy breaks up with chick, chicks beats the crap out of him and stuff until something funny or romantic happens and all becomes resolved with both parties no matter what be the outcome. That's sort of what happens, but the manner in which it's done is retarded. Half-way through the flick takes a killer of a turn..
[Scene]
Moron #1: "I am going to give my Ex's Arch Enemy her weakness. I'm so stupid that even though she flat-out told me he was her arch enemy he persuaded me to think that he's a good guy."

Moron #1's friend, A.K.A. Moron #2: "Do it, she's a jerk."

-Moron #1 does it...-

Arch Enemy: I'm totally gonna kill this bitch.

Superhero Ex: He's going to kill me... You're both morons, for reals.

[Scene]
It's ridiculous. The ending is ridiculous, the movie as a whole..is completely fucking ridiculous. I seriously need to get into Hollywood cause I could churn out better shit then this while on my death bed.

I understand this is a movie where you just go in shut your brain off and enjoy it. I totally understand that and I can do that but not with this. Even with my brain turned off everything about it was terrible. The movie is just bearly (Hehe,) watchable trash.

Numerical Rating: 2 out of 10.

IMDB link for "My Super Ex-Girlfriend."

Song Recommendation

Real quick update for anyone who likes classical music or movie scores.

I've been listening to the score for "Children of Men," and there's one track in particular that I want to recommend to anyone who reads. It's called "Eternity's Sunrise," and it's by John Tavener. It's almost 11 minutes long. It's a tad' repetitive but it's incredibly beautiful. Hope you enjoy it!

Edit: Layouts fixed. Hoorah, thank you Nick.

Out of State (Happy Late New Years)

Hey everyone. Sorry for the lack of postings but I have basically been out of state almost everyday since the New Year started. From December 30th to the evening of January 1st I was in upstate New York hanging out with my cousins.

Activities included: Hanging out watching movies, drinking, watching fireworks, also having one shot at me and almost hit me in the face. Plus much, much more.

Had a good time. Due to feeling like garbage on the 1st we left a bit late and I got home around 8 O'Clock I believe..I can't even remember. I came home, got on the computer for a bit slept and then the next day I basically attempted to get packed again for another trip. I also got a call back for a job interview but that didn't work out but put even more stress on me..

My second trip was to upstate New York AGAIN only this time it was from January 3rd to January 7th and it was with 6 other people. We stayed in a pretty nice cabin somewhere in Taconic State Park I believe. It was pretty damn fun although I didn't do anything except relax and sit around the whole time, next time I'll do more..for realsies.

Activities included: Hanging around and watching movies, Hockey and any other form of television. Playing games and sucking at them. Looking for wildlife, being pyromaniacs next to the cabin in this area where you could build a fire and finally sleeping...a lot.

I've never been around so much fire in all my life. We had a fire going by my cousins and 2 or 3 nights out of the 6 at the cabin. Overall I've had a ton of fun so far in the New Year. The whole time virtually carefree because I've been on break from school and since the 28th of December I am unemployed. I'm not worrying though cause I'm pretty sure I should have another job by the beginning of February, end of January.

The second trip to upstate New York was basically a vacation for me, which would make it the first one I've been on since EIGHT GRADE. It was tons of fun and hopefully there will be another soon (that I can afford.)

Anyways, I've seen....tons upon tons of movies. These movies include "Clerks 2," "My Super Ex-Girlfriend," "Beerfest," "Jackass 2," and more. There will be reviews coming for every single one of them. For now I just wanted to stop by and give my reasoning for not making a post in almost two weeks. Forgive me!? -Or don't.

Children of Men

I wanted to see this in theatres..very badly. I waited it was supposed to be released the 25th..I checked listings nothing. I checked again yesterday and nothing so I gave in to my urges. Two weeks prior there was a release on the internet and I downloaded it.

This is the first time I've been so excited over a movie since probably I saw "King Kong," last year and I was giddy to sit down and watch it. Tonight I did.

BEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR.

Let me state that I haven't seen ALL of the movies this year but I've seen a decent amount and this movie is just amazing and blows them all out of the water.

Basic plot: Women no longer can have children, there is no hope left. Spontaneously a young woman known as Kee is pregnant and a group tries to get the girl and her child to the "Human Project." Theo (Clive Owen,) and others face all sorts of objects trying to get her there. The movie also stars Michael Caine as Jasper, a retired political cartoonist friend of Theo's and Julianne Moore as Theo's Ex-Wife/Leader of the group.

The main focus of this movie isn't about why women are infertile, or how they will become fertile again and to justify that we never learn the answers to either. This movie is about having hope when there's no hope to be found. In other words, don't be pissed when the credits start rolling and you don't have a reason as to why women became infertile cause I know some people will be. Like I said this movie is about hope.

The acting in the movie is wonderful. Clive Owen is one of my top 5 favorite actors now. He fucking NAILS the role of Theo and plays it wonderfully. He's amazing. Everyone else does a wonderful job as well especially Claire-Hope Ashity as Kee. Overall the acting is wonderful all over the board...

Alfonso Cuaron directs and I love everything about his approach to the movie. The style he wanted it shot in, the direction he took the script in. Everything. He has amazed me and is one of my favorite directors now as well. I am now planning on looking into everything I've missed of his thanks to the brilliance of "Children of Men."

Now onto what I really love about this movie: The way it is shot. Very long shots with a hand held. No quick cuts. Just lots of long shots. It's amazing to watch and I wish more movies were made like this. There's a couple of action scenes in the movie and they benefit amazingly from this style of filming. When you have the camera rolling for so long without the cuts it makes you forget your watching a movie. Because of this style you FEEL like you're right there with Theo and the rest running around being shot at, driving around and so forth. The end has one of the single most amazing shots I've ever seen in it and it was one of the most intense things to sit through. I won't ruin it for you but Theo is running around and the camera follows him for 7 minutes without cutting. It's unbelievable. THEN to follow that up they do a neat invisible cut/edit and go into another bunch of extremely long scenes. It's incredible..

What is this? Uh-oh..confession time. It's not so bad..BUT I was almost shedding some tears in the end. It's a very emotional movie. It's hard to explain...for me the movie didn't feel epic. Not epic at all but at the same time there was an emotional involvement, I guess from being totally immersed in this world. All I have to say is that "Children of Men," was very moving to me and it almost got me shedding some tears and at the moment I can't think of any movie that's ever done that so that's saying a lot.

I admit...I've been going nuts for this movie since July when I saw the first trailer but I really don't think I'm exaggerating or letting all that predetermined hyped get in the way when I say this movie is brilliant. My advice to you is if you can see this on the big screen do yourself and go fucking see it. From what I read it's only in limited release this week. January 5th is the date for the wide release. If this is true and it does begin playing in my area I'm going to see it on the big screen anyways, even though by then I will probably have seen it three times or more. Go and see it...it will be well worth the money.

Numerical Review: 10 out of 10

IMDB link for "Children of Men."